...fuck....shit...ahhhhh i hate it

Why am i here on this forsaken planet? Is it to be an amazing friend? Or how about to be a person who isn't really a friend but someone that i can turn to when things aren't going good for someone? Or how about to make fun of the elderly? im pretty good at that.FUCK i hate my life

I don't know why i am...i don't know who i really am only that i am...i can't grasp the concept of relationship because i can't keep one long enough to have a 1 month anniversery. what am i doing? really?! can i positively suck that bad? i know that the saying goes "you will meet the one for you in due time"...but what if i have already met her and she did something stupid....and amidst of all the things she has done i still love her. but because i can't fix the way ppl think about her she doesn't want to be with me. and she is affraid that she will might hurt me...yes i put 2 f's in affraid...simply because the second one stands for fear. I think she has fear of something good. and she cant hold on to it because she is so use to haveing things go wrong for her that she doesn't know what to do. and i try and i try and i try to make life better for her...but people can only do so much. i can't change ppls minds about how they feel. and i really do want to spend the rest of my life with her...but this fucking situation is driving me insane. i want to touch her, cuddle, kiss, hold hands, show affection, i just want to be with her. is that too much to fucking ask? Apparently it is. because no one in her family would forgive her if she got with me. WHY THE FUCK IS EVERYONE SO GOD DAMN CAUTIOUS FOR ME? I AM A BIG FUCKING BOY!!! I appreciate all the love and kindness everyone is showing me. but fuck i do know what is best for me. Everyone doesn't always have to look out for courtney....

Infiniti Weekend Getaways Widget

I just posted this Infiniti Weekend Getaways widget for 500 credits. You can earn free credits too!

Disfunctionally organized!

So i know why the United States economy is going under....ITS THIS HURRY UP AND WAIT BULL SHIT!!!!!!!!!!

I am so fucking tired of being told to hurry my ass up to stand in a fucking line! I am tired of pointless musters! i am tired of random pt!

I mean my job as a hospital corpsman is to save lives. Now take this for situational....

I am in the desert of afgan and we are taking heavy enemy fire. one of my marines gets hit in the left lung creating a sucking chest wound. It will soon turn into a tension pneumothorax (blood in  the pluera space of the lung) which will in turn cause a mediastanial shift (its where all the organs shift over to one side of the body particularly the good side, then causing pressure on the lungs making it hard to breathe). Now i look down at my wounded soldier and say "hey ya know what? i could have learned how to fix a sucking chest wound if i WASNT STANDING IN FUCKING MUSTERS FOR HOURS ON END!!!

Then an insurgent comes face to face with me point blank. AK in face. and i say " AND HALT!!!"

*pulls out his I.T. card*

"Eight counts begin!"

Uhhhh fuck that. i want to learn shit. not piss the day away because some overly paid E-7 doesn't know what he wants to do next so he plays fuck fuck games with our heads. I hate the military. So DISFUNCTIONALLY ORGANIZED!!!!!!!!!!!!

another piece of junk!

so sarah got what was coming to her. she cheated on jason. and in the end she lost everything that was dear to her. or maybe she didn't. maybe she was only acting like we was important on the surface. anyways

my phone broke and i am kinda pissed but kinda not. so much bad luck has came my way lately that I am not surprised. I kinda laughed really. just like i laughed at the 1200 dollar phone bill i have accululated last month. kinda ridiculus really. that i am accustomed to bad luck and stupid shit happening to me that i dont even have a responce for it. more or less it is like eh whatever. 43 more days and i am out of this hell hole place called california. trust me when i say this...CALI isn't what you would think it to be. well gotta go

FMTB

I am in FMTB now. it stands for field medical training battalion. It is quite possible the gayest part of my life...ever. I don't know why i even made the decision that i made a year and 3 months ago. It just shows how ignorant i am to the world. I hope that I can learn from this experience in that I can teach my  children not to make choices because you are really bored with life and you need to take a new approach. bad idea. well anywho i get back in march and hopefully my 20k bonus will get me out of the financial crisis that i am currently in.

So i was engaged to the girl that had a boyfriend a few posts back. i thought that things was actually looking good for me for a change. but god has smitten me once again with his iron fist of butt fuck barbed wire. i think he is telling me something....me and relationships go together like asshole and brillo pads. we was engaged for a whole month and a half. she cheated on me with her fat ass exboyfriend on november 16th. she wanted me to tell him that nothing ever happened between me and her to jason (her ex) but i couldn't do it.  I broke the news to her in hopes that he wouldn't make the choice i made. no man ever desereves to be cheated on when he has poured all his heart and mind and soul into the relationship. well anywho we are not together anymore and i am currently not talking to her for a very very long time.